Some Kinda Hate

.

2006-05-21T21:11:00.000-07:00

The most hate I've ever had for one person, is the hate I've held for myself. I do, I hate myself. Everything I do -- what I'm doing right now -- I hate it, and I hate me. I don't know where it stems from. I don't know where my hate has its roots, but I do know that it's there. But there's something else there as well.. something that isn't hate, and I don't know what it is.

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know why I am here. I want to die. I wish I could. If I weren't to exist on this earth, it would make no difference at all; speaking in the very big picture, that everyone wishes they could be apart of.

But I am not special, and I am not good. I am a bad person, a defect, and I should not be here. I hate myself, and everything I do.

I hate myself and want to die.

I Hate Myself

2006-05-14T22:29:00.000-07:00

and I want to die.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.
and I want to die.

I want to die die die die die die die die die die die die die.

I'm not sure if I really want to die, but it feels like it.

My own reminder of how alone I am 6 days out of the week, but it's more like 7 days, because I won't be able to get that one day for very long.

Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me

Am I going insane? No. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm a normal teenaged girl. I don't need your help. I don't need help. I fucking hate it.

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

Kill me kill me kill me kill me

is all I know how to think right now

but no one understands, or cares, either one or the other, or both. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

2006-03-27T15:06:00.000-08:00

I wish I were different

I wish I were more

I wish I were someone else

I wish I was her

I wish I could die

I wish I could do so many things

But I can't

I'm worthless.

I wish. I wish I was her. I wish... that it were like that, between he and I.

But it isn't

Because I'm not.

Again.

2006-03-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

Again, with this lonly feeling. Again, with the worthless ness.

Nothing's as it should be. I want to go somewhere else. I want to be someone else. I want to be doing something else.

I could go to the place of no return. I could be something, that something that no one here knows about.

I just can't help it. Looking back, I see so many, so frequent posts about... "____ is really cool. I'm really glad she's my friend," "I wish I could've gotten a little more time with ____" and all this really... great stuff about ____.

You know what I wish? I wish ___ would post things like that, not on a private blog. I wish I could make him as happy as she did. I wish I were more.

But I'm not.

I'm a pathetic piece of shit.

I went wrong, somewhere, doing something. I don't know where, I don't know what, but I'm sure it happened. I'm just not that great of a person. That's why. That's why he doesn't like me as much as he liked her.

I'm not paranoid, I'm really trying not to be paranoid, I'm really working on it

but I'm still not good enough. I never wrote lyrics and bought him a teddy bear to say I'm sorry.

I'm just not one of those "awesome" people that you want to hang around with.

I'm shitty.

It all makes me so sad. So, sad. I don't even deserve the right to have feelings, I'm that worthless. Energy was wasted in bringing me up, Ma. You should've gotten rid of me when you had the chance.

I feel like throwing up. I was hungry today, too... Oh well.

Waste away, I'll just do that. I don't have much of an apetite anymore... Things should work out like that then.

I Just...

2006-03-21T19:51:00.000-08:00

I feel worthless. I am worthless. I cause problems, and that's the only thing I do. I feel like someone's stabbed me in the stomach and is now twisting, day and night.

I feel... numb? No... not numb, I feel paralyzed. I can still feel, but I can't go anywhere. I can't do anything. I'm worthless.

A lot of things are catching up with me, right now. A lot of insecurities are coming back. Those things I thought would just go away, won't. I review my life, all those times...

Good lord.

I remember all those times something of huge proportion has affected me... something that should've been a big deal...

Just wasn't. Not to anyone but myself.

No one cared when I told about my grandfather and uncle... No one cares... when other people do me wrong.

Actions... speak louder then words.

I don't want pity. I want understanding.

Why...

Can't...

I can't even finish.

I want to die. Fade away. People've already half forgotten me

why not finish it?

Hmm...

2006-01-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

Chloe took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Considers the existing circumstances disagreeable ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

You know, I'd hate to be the one to mould my feelings to fit an online quiz thing, but some things just fit right, and seem to frame the right words I was never able to find. I do:

Need the respect, recognition, and understanding of those close to me
Have unfulfilled expectations that have led to uncertainly and an apprehensive watchfulness.

Badly need to feel secure and protected against further disappointment, being passed over, or losing standing and prestige.
Try to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left me listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes irritable if I am denied that.
Fear that I might be prevented from achieving the things I want

I am:

Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.

Mmm.

I tried to talk to her today... well, I was kind of trying. Bailey talked to her a little for me, telling her she needed to talk to me. I told Bailey to tell Alex that I wanted to set aside differences and fix things... and Alex goes, "What differences?" Just like she would.

After 7th, she was out in the hall with everyone crowded around. I wanted to go up to her, but I was so scared, I was to the point of shaking. Instead, I hung out *near* her, but not *by* her. She hates me, and she doesn't want to resolve anything. Or at least, she doesn't want to talk to me.

Well you know what? I don't want to talk to her either. There is nothing more I would like then for her to go away forever and to stop hanging around the people I care about most. But, I actually want to make the people I care about HAPPY, so I'm trying to help out this little thing we've got going on.

I don't like her. She doesn't like me. We don't have to be the best of friends in the world -- hell, I don't even want us to be friends -- but the least we could do is get a lot of shit out of the way and try not to dislike each other anymore. I mean, we don't have to LIKE each other, but at least we don't have to be to the point of dislike.

Gah. I consider her immature and childish, for not even being willing to at least talk. She's selfish and offensive, and quickly switches from normal converstaion to being sarcastic. She's mean, she's spiteful.

But at least if we were at peace with each other, it would make Bailey and Jake happy.

Jake... would be happy... if he got to hang around her more... talk to her more... Were friends with her again. After all the shit she's put him through, after how she's ditched him time and time again... it'd still make him happy if they were friends...

I hear, when Andrew was friends with Alex, she wanted to break up with Brandon, but was too scared to for the fear of hurting him. I wonder if she still feels like that and I wonder (if she does) then what she intends to do, and how she views Jake at this time.

I just.. who am I to stand in the way of Jake's happiness? If Alex makes him happy, so be it. They'll be super friends again

and I'll rot away inside. Yaaaay.

I really do like him. I heart that guy so much. <3 He means so much to me, and I don't know if he realizes it. :(

I Find it Hard to Take

2005-12-30T00:56:00.000-08:00

Waiting for my loverly to get online. He was supposed to get in town 2 hours ago, but maybe traffic was bad...? I.. don't want to think about something bad happening to him. Please, dear lord, I hope beyond hope that he is a-okay and I can talk to him soon. 2 hours ago...? But it took them this long to GET to St. Louis, so maybe it took them that long to get back... I hope...

It's crazy how much I miss that guy.

And now
gone
again

2005-12-08T22:35:00.000-08:00

I never cried because someone was gone... until he came along. I never felt so empty. Why are so many things going wrong? Maybe we should take a step back and look at what's going right, first. The things we don't want to change, ya know?

My emotions are a ball of confusion at the moment, and I have no translator here to decipher their meanings. Hopelessness, mostly. I feel that whatever happens; happens, and it's all out of my hands. How does it feel to sit back and look at a life that affects you, though you have no say in how?

How.. do I even explain this feeling? I can't... I just want you to hold me. :(

Throw It In the Fire

2005-11-27T12:21:00.000-08:00

I thought I could consider her a friend... What we had wasn't friendship, it was hell.

Thirsty

2005-11-17T18:33:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for:

Being a bitch
Being a spoild child, who complains to you when she doesn't get something
Being mean
Being a hypocrit
Being.

I want to curl up in a little ball and go away forever and ever. I'm going to go stab myself through the eye now, kthxgo.

Like me

2005-11-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

Mom has been gone for almost three hours now... All for the sake of shopping. Hope she gets my paper and pencils, at least.

I don't want to grow old.. At this point in time, I can't really see myself as an older person. The idea is so out there, I have an inkling I might just kill myself before the age of 40.

... But we all change, whether or not we foresee it.

Lost again.

:( nooo...

2005-11-08T23:23:00.000-08:00

I am such an asshole. :( I want to talk to Jake so, soooo bad, but I can't.. BECAUSE I FELL ASLEEP AT 10 FUCKING 15 or so... and woke up at one. I feel so bad. :( I want to talk to him... I miss him.. I can't see him except for on the weekends and I've called him every night since before we were going out.

Why am I such a douche? :(

God. I even called twice, at fucking one something in the morning, I want to talk to him so bad. ;( He has work in the morning, though. :( I'm seriously.. going to cry. :( I did cry. :( I feel so bad.:(

:( Dammit.

Pills Don't Make the Pain Go Away

2005-11-05T00:55:00.000-08:00

Physical pain. I woke up not too long ago, trying to find Jake. Of course, he was not there. :( How I wish it weren't true. I'm not sure if I want to be held, or if I want someone to squeeze. These pills aren't working. I hurt. I feel like I'm gonna throw up. :( Gawd dammit, it feels like someone stabbed my womb with a knife and is twisting. :( :( :( :( :( :(

I don't understand. It shouldn't be this bad. I mean, it's.. the second day. It's usually only bad the first day. Wtf, body. :( Help me?

Jake, I miss you. :P Sorry for all my crappy writing in mah stupid notebook. I coulda sworn there was more then that, but whatever works.

GAH WOMB, GAH LEGS, GAH BACK, GAH STOMACH, GAAH HEAD. I'm going to commit suicide to get away from female cycles, I swear to god. :( :(

:(
:(

How I wish you were here... <33>33

Time Doesn't Fly

2005-10-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the away game we had to go to. Tired. Tried to call Jake, but appearntly he isn't there. Sad. The hoodie I'm wearing smells like him, though. Happy. >3

The away game sucked. Our team one, but it I hardly care about football. It was super cold for the time we were out there, albiet warmer then what we usually march in. My clarinet actually felt easy to get a note out, instead of having to put effort into it. IF YOU PLAYED CLARINET, YOU'D UNDERSTAND! ;)

Bah, I hate bus rides back home. There are a select few retards that just don't know when to shut the hell up. Lots of stupid songs were sung, and lots of loud talking+giggling. If I had the nerve, I'd punch some of them in the face. It wasn't that bad, though, considering Bailey, Pete, Marrick, and I all talked bunches about nothing specific, really. Talking's always fun to do, when doing it with the right people. Otherwise it's just awkward.

... Fuck it. Fuck you, Mr. I'm-gonna-bitch-about-having-no-one-when-I-have-a-thing-for-driving-all-the-prospective-girls-away.
Just makes me mad. The whole "my situatioin is worse then yours, so be happy regardless" is bullshit.

And now? GUH NOW, I'm mad again, at something else. At everything. Kill me. Kgo.

Yes, I would give my heart gladly

2005-10-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

And when (s)he passes, I smile - but (s)he doesn't see..

Man, when we're apart, it's like he's worlds away, ya know? At least I still get to talk to him on the phone, albeit it was only for an hour tonight. I had to go, though! Father was downstairs, and he'd get on my case if I didn't act more responsible. I miss getting to stay up late talking to him. >3

Regardless, I had colossal amounts of fun this weekend. What can I say? Jake's a fun kinda guy. He and I hung out aaalll weekend, which makes me happy. Aaaand this weekend is our one month anniversary! Hooray! Though, I won't get to spend much time with him.. because we have a football game, and APH&Alex are coming up. He'll wanna see them and stoof, but that's okay. Maybe I'll go over to Hooly's and play DDR? Heee, I've never played.

One day, I'm just gonna run all the way over to his house. I want to right now, but it's late and I'm sore. Once, JUST once, I'd like to be able to fall asleep in his arms. :( His mom, for some reason, won't allow that to happen, though. Like anything more is going to go on, silly lady.

keeshykeeshy

Nif

If I can't hear your heartbeat, you're too far away.

2005-10-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

Who knows? This could turn out to be a long post, or a short one. Decidedly so by emotions and hormones, rather then myself.

When we argue, it's different now then it was before. Seeing as everything is relativly new to us AND in general terms, the strength of our relationship is timid. By all means, that doesn't lessen anything (especially my feelings for you), just means I'm scared that everything's gonna fall apart before it ever really get started. With all other relationships failed, do you think that fear is misplaced, when considering how much I like you? :(

Also, I guess when we argue I'm afraid of pressing my point too much and seeming like I don't respect your opinion at all. In trying to avoid this, however, it seems like that anyway and I look like a bitch on top of that. I respect your opinion, and I'd like to share mine..

The point? I like you lots and lots. I'm gonna try and not be so whiney/bitchy/stupid. Please forgive me? :(

Tit-ai-zz

2005-10-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

*himhimhimhimhimhim*

So many thoughts, and they're filled with the same subject. That's when you know you're special, when someone thinks about you that much.

I whine too much. My voice gets a high tone, and sounds just annoying. That, needs to stop. That's not how I talk. Stop whining.. stop whining. Stop being annoying. Stop getting aggrivated so easily. o.O Stop speaking softly, stop not repeating yourself. God dammit, stop being everything you are at this moment, and go back to being you.

Don't mess this up, k?

k.

/stereotypicalrelationshippost

Million Dollar Question

2005-10-04T15:25:00.000-07:00

LAUGHCRYLAUGHCRYLAUGHCRY

I hate it when you can't make up which emotion you're feeling at the moment. My prediction; after a nice shower, it'll all go away. And after that, all I want is to be held. Damn work. Damn school. Damn.

.. Lo' Bob.

Lo Weebl.

Pie.

PIE?!

This is what you get when you mess with us...

hum

2005-10-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

I miss Jake.

I'm sick.

Hold me. t.t

I Am Up in the Clouds

2005-09-29T18:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am, to have the parents I do, to live in the house I live in. And yet, I lack in being able to show how thankful I am. I lack in a lot of areas.

Do homework, do clothes, clean room, sleep.

I hope to see Jake tomorrow, maybe some on Saturday, and on Sunday. It all depends on what Josh, Daniel, Russell, Lorrissa, James, and maybe Richie are doing. If Josh comes up, then for sure I'm seeing him. However, if everyone else is just going, then I don't know. :P I haven't seen any of them in a very long time, but I'm a bad friend. Maybe Jake+everyone can come hang out? I don't think Jake would be very much up to that, though. :( Oh well.. we'll figure something out.

Serenity comes out on Saturday, which I've been waiting for a very long time to see; as has everyone else in the group. It's supposed to be super duper fuckin awesome, and Firefly is SUPPOSED to come finish it's season (and probably then some) on SciFi. It might already be showing.. but I haven't seen it.

And how much we depend on these things.. :( Oh.. well.

That there... that's not me.

2005-09-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

So, Jake succeeded in making me super happy today, while also managing to tease the crap out of me. XD Take it how you will!

But everything's still new. Or is it? Kind of? Kind of....... ummmm... kay.

Welp. I'm tired. Sleep soon, mehope. >_O Too tired to update moooore, so sue me. ^.^

Always wishing for something better

2005-09-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

Wake.. from your sleep
The drying of your tears
Today.. we escape..
We escape.

The incline is too steep, the peak is too narrow, and the decline won't happen soon enough. But then there's a steady incline, and a fast decline. Which would I prefer? The latter, obvious to my sense of reasoning. Of course, not many would choose to follow my sense of reasoning.

Radiohead is pretty. OK Computer has got to be my favorite album. Just.. thought I'd throw that tidbit in there.

For the life of me, I cannot find some clear idea to talk about. Of course, the usual habit of mine is to find something to talk about right after I state I, in fact, cannot find something to talk about. But if I hadn't stated the previous, then I wouldn't have found anything to actually talk about. Nice.

I find myself very indifferent to matters I should have an opinion on, at times. Not in all circumstances, but in enough. Maybe it's the irrelevance the subject has to my life at the moment, which in turn makes me a very narrow sighted individual. And who wants that? I live in the now, instead of looking toward the future... in most of my daily activities, at least.

College, job, apartment, car... not job, money, house, car, family.

My sister and my brother-in-law are going through a rough time in their marriage. Lots of things were said, they both have communication problems, and some other things need to be worked on. They've been married only since June, and yet so many issues seem to be arising. It's considered normal, so I hear, but I can't help but be swayed even more from the thought of marriage.

God, marriage. I'm only fifteen (as some people I know like to tell me), but I still can't help but think about it. Too many things to even say... too many things it reminds me of. o_O

Regret
I regret
I regret living
I regret living with
I regret living with a
I regret living with a conscious
I regret living with a conscious mind.
Mind
I mind
I mind having
I mind having memory.
Memory
Memory fades.

Bleck.

Sleep can make it all go away

2005-09-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Gotta work on that...

Dammit

2005-09-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

The internet is sucky today
I can't call him
Sleep is useless
I want a frappuccino
No more chips.

Time

2005-09-10T00:19:00.000-07:00

Every moment, red letter.

I'd like to update with something meaningful, but I've kind of spilled it out alreaady. I can't really think of much to say without sounding whiney or completely retarded.

I'm tired. Jake's house tomorrow, hopefully at 9:30.. but if not... I'm gonna cry. I don't know what I'm going to say to Andrew. I'm not gonna get mad or anything, I know that... He just.. needs.. to tell us.. wtf happened.

Because that's stupid.

I'm gonna tell Bryanne he thinks she's hairy. ^_^

Moth Man

2005-09-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

Dunno if I should really post in here a whole lot, because I'm tired. When I'm tired, I seemingly have no clue what I'm talking about. So forgive me this should I write like a retard. Kgo.

Anyway, I'm sore all over. I didn't get any sleep last night cause I was at a dumb lock in. It was fun at first, but then it just got boring. Kinda like a lot of other things in life, methinks.

So after the lock in I go over to Jake's house. Joel is there for a little bit, but then decides to leave us for some Halo 2. *sob* Then Jon comes over for a bit, steals some of Jake's CDs, asks us if we wanna go somewhere (we didn't), then leaves. Aah Joel, Jon... one lunch period a day isn't enough!

Jake and I first watched Totoro - THE BEST LITTLE KID ANIME EVER - but I don't think he liked it much. It is a weird movie, I'll admit. One of Hayao Miyazaki's first films... if not THE first. It wasn't that popular when it first came out, but it sure as hell is now. His movies get a little.. repetitive... but Totoro still remains original throughout all he's done. <3 Totoro.

Theeeen, we (kinda) watched House of a 1000 Corpses. I accidently fell asleep through most of it, though. :( I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, and I promised I wouldn't. I'll make it up somehow. But what I did see of the movie, it was weird and scary and gross and I didn't want to see most of the dead people and what they were doing and :(

This is why Chloe shall not do well in watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose. :(

ANYWAY, hopefully Jake's house on either Wednesday or Thursday. I'm thinkin Wednesday, so dad won't be like "No hanging out on Friday cause you hung out last night." He does that, ya know. But I gotta find a ride back home OTHER then my dad. I can tell he's getting tired of driving me around, and having to go out at night. If I exhaust him NOW, then no Jake later. :(

That'll get worked out somehow. o_O

Talking to Tiffany and writing in blogger is actually helping me stay up better then I thought it would. I'm not saying either talking to her or writing is boring or anything like that, but usually when I'm tired... I don't have the attention span to do either.

Myesh... and on that note, all of my patience for writing has dissipated. Ta da!

Bye-bye, Miss American Pie

2005-09-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

Blaaah, I don't know why I always get hyper-ish when we march at football games. I think it's just the atmosphere - it's hard NOT to, when people are screaming and your friends are all jumping around. ^_^

I suppose school was alright. I just wish Bailey's step dad weren't such a complete IDIOT ASSHOLE. If she's pulled out of band, I swear to GOD I will ghdkfjggkjhgkjdhglkdjfhg!

Anyway.

I updated.

NOW LET ME CALL YOU.

Ugly like me

2005-08-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Ooo.. today was alright, I suppose. Nothing much really happened of any importance. Jessica and I are starting to write each other in notes, and I've kinda just poured some things out to her. She's so sweet, letting me do that. <3 Other then that, just regular hanging out with people, I guess.

After school, I ended up getting a ride from Andrew to my house. I think he's mad at me. I told him that I was talking to other people and it was kinda hard to answer him right away, and he got all sad and stuff. That'd be the second night in a row awkwardness has happened between him and I. No matter how small the reason is, I guess I just don't want things like that to happen. Oh well.

So.. now I'm sitting here.
Thinking.
I don't think {insert name here} wants the same thing I want. So maybe I should stick with my earlier thought, and not go for anything? Mm.

Anyway, enough emochloe.

Pictures I tried to forget

2005-08-29T18:56:00.000-07:00

Another post for today.

I think I'm going to give up. It'll be best for them and stuff.

kay.

Lay me down

2005-08-29T14:25:00.000-07:00

I love cute things.

Ya know, that last post didn't make much sense. For that matter, I don't make much sense. Hooha.

Today? Haha... today was... tiring, but that's my fault. I made Jake stay up with me and talk to me... until 4 in the morning. I'm sorry! I can't help myself. I like to talk to certain people, everyone knows how that goes. Or DO they? Buh buh buuummm!

But yeah, it was good stuffs. We talked about a lot, which was interesting. ^_^ I guess *some* things were cleared up.. but others not so much? I don't know. I enjoyed it anyway. :P

Then it was on to sleep at 4, and waking at 6. 6! Due to loud sisters who do not know how to keep their teeny little mouths shut. Seriously. What is up with little kids. It's like they all have ADD and a cocain addiction. See? This is why I really don't want kids... unless it's after college, and my career starts off, and even if I can get a partner at that time. :P

Bluh. My throat is all like "grrrrr" and I'm like "shut up!" but it doesn't listen, and coughs a whole lot. I'm like "wtf"... then it shits on my face. :( Yeah, sad sad story.

Marching seemed to last forever today. We kept doing little parts over and over again, then going back and doing the whole opener. With my eating habbits, and this band, I think the road to an anorexia-style body is soon to come. (eeeww). Haha.. I skipped band practice today.

radioheadisgoodandicanttypeanymore.

If I saw you now
Could I look in your eyes?

Do you think of me
Like I dream of you?

Do you wish you were here
Like I wish I was with you?

8:23 AM

2005-08-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

Sleeeeeep. Sleep is good stuff, I tell ya. I went to bed at around 8 or so, and got up at around 7:30... yum. When I woke up, it was kinda hard to breathe, and my throat felt soooo dry, I thought it was gonna shrival up. Right now, my body seems to be telling me that it's my time to leave this world... but I refuse! Almost everything hurts, and my nose has decided it didn't like it's previous job, so it transferred to the "block Chloe's breathing" department. Hooray for my stupid nose!

I know I had a dream, but there is no rememberance involved. Maybe something about little people? It HAD something to do with teeny tiny people, being controlled by a huge cooperation. That's all I remember. I know I musta entered REM, but while it's usually easy for me to remember dreams, I guess today I was just tired enough to forget. Yes? Yes.

Friday was good times, for the most part. Liz had her birfday party! 16 years, she'll be. How awesome is that? She already got her drivers license (the lucky), and shall be driving by Sunday. Then I shall commence the bugging of the Liz for rides around places. :D Just cause I'm super cool like that, and can't drive ANYWHERE, with parent or no.

Before the party, some friends (including Liz) and I went up to Gaither to get some rum. Hooray rum! I didn't have any, but hooray anyway. After the mountain, we went to Liz's house, where she decided she wanted to straighten my hair. It took almost an hour and a half, but it got done. When the hair was all straight and stuff, the party totally started. NO ONE CAN HAVE A PARTY WITHOUT CHLOE AVAILABLE. Kay.

It was fun! Lots of talking, running around, being stupid, dares, eating, drinking (soda), and some pot. First, let me just clear that I neither drank nor smoked any pot. Cigarettes, on the other hand, I did partake in. But that's besides the point. ^_^ Marrick got dared to poop in Liz's yard. And? He did. Right behind a bush. It smelled. Bleh.

At the end of the party, I suppose most of the fun was spent. Liz got in a fight with her mom, as did Brittany. After Liz calmed down, Marrick breaks up with her. :( They had been going out since almost a year ago. Liz cried, Marrick cried. I haven't been able to talk to Liz since the party... and I hope she's alright. A lot of things piled on to her that day. :(

While it is my place to comfort her and help her, it isn't my place to carry her sadness for her. That, ladies and gents, is bad. So? I left with Andrew to go over to Jake's house. Andrew and I talked a bit about the party, about people, about being tired of things... then arrived at Jake's shortly after. Around 10 or 11? I don't remember.

So Andrew and I cuddle on Jake's bed, while Jake sits in his chair. I honestly didn't mean to spark any sort of interest at all, I swear. I just like being held, especially like that... and he held me. It was no big deal, I thought, because he and I hug all the time and stuff. I guess this time was different because Bailey wasn't there. After watching a movie, Jake leaving, and us talking, he tells me he thinks he likes me. He's not a bad guy, or anything... it's just, I'm not interested in Andrew like that. :P

It was rude. I shouldn't have been so cuddley ON HIS BED, IN HIS ROOM, AT HIS HOUSE. I dunno. It was just rude and stupid. How can I expect Andrew to feel the same way as I about things like that? I can't want to show affection, but not feel anything at all. It's... mean. I'm mean. I'm rude. Bleh.

Andrew finally fell asleep at around 6, where Jake and I decided to go outside. My socks got wet, eeww. But oh well. We sat on a bench and talked.. for three hours. Just us, the two of us, alone. That was one of my favorite times when over there. I dunno. It was just awesome. We talked about a lot of things. His dog, cat, and some random squirrels provided entertainment as well. Wtf was up with that squirrel?! Heee.

At around 9, Andrew wakes up. He comes outside, and the mood shifts, if slightly. Which I suppose is okay. We go inside, they eat some foooood, then it's back to Jake's room. We hang out there until around 12, then Andrew and Jake drive me back to my house. I get there, take a shower, change, then ask dad if I could go to Jake's... because he didn't know I spent the night there before. >:D

So after some whining and bugging, he finally says I can go. By now, it's 2. I have to be back by 7. I'm thinkin "friggin score." :D

They pick me up, we go back over to Jake's. :P Andrew makes us listen to some Victor Wooten, then searches teh InTerNet for some video thing. O_o Bleh. I get bored, so I give Jake a back massage, then Andrew one. Hooray to Fe for teaching me how to give good back massages! I still need more practice, though. Oh well. XD

At around....3? 4? 5? Andrew leaves. It's funny how a lot of things that happened over at Jake's house are related to Andrew's presence. Ha... anyway, then Jake and I hang out lots n lots until 7.

All I can say, is that I was a happy Chloe.

I got home, had a subway sub (steak and cheese, bitches), talked to Jake a bit on yahoo, then went to bed. Then, you can go back to the beginning of this post, and start all over again, if you so choose. ^_^

Right now it's 9:17 in the.. the... MORNING. Ha! Being sick makes me get up early. Maybe I should be sick all the time. Yesss, what a great idea. Stress your body out even MORE! Yaaay I'm a smrt ladi.

So..... this is a long post.
I could talk about more
but
I'm not going to.
^_^

I choose to live

2005-08-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

Is it too much to ask.. to be held?

I'm tired of hurt. I'm tired of acting like people or things can take it all away, too. They can't, they won't.

I'm tired of life
-people
-feelings
-confusion
-being hormone-infested.

What is it I really want?

You just sit there wishing you could still make love

2005-08-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

I don't even know anymore.. but that's okay... that's okay? Sometimes I wish I could stop feeling feelings... forever and ever.

Then would everything be okay?

No.

Oh well...

I think I'll go sleep, then do homework.

All I want to do.. is be held.

This is the sound of settling

2005-08-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

Today... Today was good. I liked it. Currently, I am making a new friend! Tiffany and I are a lot alike, it seems. Hooraynewfriends!

It's only 9:45, but it feels so much later then that. Maybe it's because school is starting back up again, and I'm getting tired from all that running around. In a way, that's good, because it'll help me go to bed earlier. But then again, I hate being tired at any time of the day. Mostly I refuse to sleep anyway... but now with dad's new rule of the internet being shut off at 11, I don't really have much of a choice anymore. :P Oh well, all for the best!

Bleh, I just ran out of soda.

TOMORROW! I get my hair striaghtened! By Liz! I'm excited. She striaghtened a strand of my hair today, and I looked funny.BUT THAT'S OKAY! I loved that little strand of hair, with all of me. <3 Guh, my hair is so curly/wavey/dumb. I mean, I love it sometimes, but others... I think it exists to annoy me. :P

I wndeor wehre Jkae is... I hvaen't tlkaed to him in ahilwe. Jsut kndia wroreid, ya konw.. Eevn tuohgh I slodihn't... wrory, taht is. Ha... I'm jsut a slily ltitle..supitd gril.

Yum

2005-08-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

Frappuchino = heaven.

Hung out with Jake again today, after much trouble with getting a ride. At first, I was gonna ask my mom to give me a ride. Then that didn't work out, so we were gonna ask Jake's mom. When THAT didn't work out, we asked his dad. He actually said okay at first, but then changed his mind. :P Theeen it was a maybe with his mom, so we were like wtf. In the end, my mom took me. We would've saved a lot of time if she woulda taken me in the first place. Heh, but I don't mind! I gotta hang out with Jayk.

What did we do? Why, we hung out and stuff! Talked, and watched LOTR...again. XD I think Jake gets a weird sort of pleasure from making me flinch, because he did it a lot.

See, I'm a jumpy person. You poke me, I jump. I hear a loud noise, I jump. I flinch a lot, too. So Jake was all like "OMG I'M MOVING THE POSTER AND YOU'RE FLINCHING OLOLO"...except not like that, but still! T_T

:D

I had a good time, though. ^_^ Dad came to pick me up at 10, then we stopped at the gas station to get something to drink. He was really super uber tired, due to working on the bathroom a lot. :( I'm kinda sorry I called to see if I could stay out later. He works hard, and is a good dad. <3

I'm tired. I think I might go to shleep soon.

Gone through days without talking

2005-08-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

There's a comfort in silence.

Dad's making noises, and it's hard to hear myself.. much less my music. Haha, why am I complaining? I don't know.

Yesterday school started. I didn't get any sleep the night before, but that's my fault. I like most of my classes, and most of my teachers. My biology teacher kinda freaks me out, though. He basiclly shoved his crotch in my face the first few minutes of class. He's old and wrinkley, and I'm sure his balls hang down to the ground. He likes to be called "sir"... which is good, I guess. I call some of my friends 'sir' and they don't like it. :P

For English, I have an ex-highschool and college cheerleader for a teacher. All I have to say to that is "Um."

And my geometry teacher... is nice, but... boring. He goes on and on about absolutely nothing. The only thing I enjoyed him talking about was his 8 year old grandson, who has an IQ of 130. Or, at least, that's as high as they could measure, because he's only 8. He's in the top 10% of..something.. in the world...soemthignsomething... I think I fell asleep, so I can't really remember. :P

After school was fun stuff! I rode home with Seth, then went over to Jake's house. :D I had fun times over there, but I was tired, so I was laying on his bed most of the time. Haha, Jake was all like "Let's turn the lights off and play her something on guitar so she can sleep." I'm all like "-_-". IT WAS FUN, OKAY?!!!?

The only thing I didn't really favor about being over there, was the whole Seth-lay-his-head-on-Chloe's-hips thing. I was just kinda like "Uh.." cause... bleh, it was just weird. I mean, Seth is a really good friend and all, but :(

Today Jake and I are supposed to hang out again. He and his dad are off doing things now, though. Pfft, who needs family when they've got CHLOE to hang out with? Deff. not anyone here. Har, I keed. It's good he spends time with Father and stuff.

Bluh. T_T

Icant

2005-08-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

I wanna shrivle up and go away forever, k?

I hate.. things.

I miss life.

2005-08-16T01:55:00.000-07:00

I like attention... a lot. Too much, methinks. I need to go away and hide for awhile until I get used to little attention, but I don't want to.

I'm not tired, I should be. I'm making him stay up with me. :( I'm sorry..

Unsure, unsure, unsure... I dunno, I just want to be held.

Nemo by Nightwish

2005-08-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name for evermore

Nemo my name for evermore

__________________________

I love that song. I can kind of sing it, but no where near as well as she sings it. She has the most pretty voice. <3

Maybe I'll record it some time. I have once before, but that was almost a year ago, and I'd like to think my singing abilities have improved since then. :P

Bluh, I can't find Eric. :(

<3

2005-08-14T03:04:00.000-07:00

Eric: You
Eric: Mean more to me than she ever will.

<3

Merp?!!?

2005-08-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

So I just got back from walking to my house with Jake, Joel, and Andrew. I'm kind of tired, but I'm sure they'll be even more tired. I think they're gonna walk to Blockbuster's then back to Jake's house. Jesus. :( I wish they would've accepted our offer to give them a ride back, but oh well. :P I also wish I could have stayed longer. I love being over there, which is weird because I don't usually like being around people. I didn't even like going over to Seth's that much (but shhhh, don't tell him that. :P)

Bleh, dad's working on our bathroom. It's like fuckin 10:30 at night. He's been working on it all day, but jesus. I don't wanna help, either. He was like "do this" and I'm like "aaaghh *die*." I know it's my fault, and I shouldn't be complaining, but mister, I haven't had anything to eat all day and I've been walking around. I'm tired. Talk to me tomorrow when I can move my limbs, okay?

Mm, I'v walked farther then we did today - by myself, early in the morning - but this time just.. guh. Maybe it's because I've been kind of sickish the past week. I swear, I thought I was gonna just collapse while we were walking to my house. :( Sorry I walk so slow. I'm not a fast walker anyway, ya know? Meh.

That'd be cool if dad would let me stay the night, too. I can understand why he doesn't, though. I mean...3 guys, 1 girl... that's worse then just one guy and a girl. If you were a dad, you gotta be thinking "Jesus fucking christ she's having foursomes!" Yeah, no. But what I don't understand, is why he won't let me spend the night with womens either. >:| I hate it when people assume things, because he doesn't KNOW I'm bisexual. HE TOLD MY MOM ONCE THAT HE THOUGHT I WAS. I mean, I am, but god. I just don't want those kinds of things to be assumed. Is that bad? :P

I suppose this is good, going to bed at an early time and all. Sure as hell beats the fuck out of going to bed at 8 am, and waking up when it's dark. This way, I'll totally be all healthy and stuff. Gotta get used to it sometime, though, if I'm gonna watch over the ER when I BECOME A FUCKIN' DOCTOR, ya know. <3 I can't wait to...save..people. o_O That sounds a little odd, but it's totally true. Just wish you didn't have to go through all that college...

Wish I was too dead to cry.

Aah.. that's a good song.

We went a lot of places today. Well, more places then I usually go... which is no where. :P Jake's, Popeye's, Record store, then a gas station, and home. <3 I like hanging around these people, even though I seemingly didn't talk much. :P

K well, I have to send Seth a song, then I'm going to bed. Goodnight, my loverlies. ^_^

-Guh, I tried to post this, but then it wouldn't let me. Wtf?-

Kuhlowie

2005-08-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

Just so I don't forget how to spell it. o_O

So I have all these sharpies, and I want to write on things, but I don't know what to write or write on. Hmm. I went over my sister's tattoo design she drew on my pants to make it darker (it had been worn through various washings), but that's all. And black is a bad color to waste like that, because you need it! Pft.

But I had a great time last night. ^_^ It's supposed to happen again today, I think, but I dunno what Jon's up to. :( He's my ride, yo! Without him, I dunno what's gonna happen. Jake said he and Joel'll walk to my house, but pffffft. My house is hard to walk to - I SHOULD KNOW, BITCHES! It's hard to walk from, let alone to. All those hills and stuff. Bleh.

Plus, I have no money. Dad might have some monies on him, but I doubt it. I could just go whore myself out on Harrison's streets and see how much I get. Probably like 20 dollars. :| GEE THANKS, HICKS.

I slept from around 11:30 pm to 11:30 am, which is the healthiest sleep I've gotten in awhile. I feel weird. It's like most of me is refreshed, but some parts are like "Guuuuuuuh!" Peup on that, YOU WILL BE NOT-TIRED, DAMMIT. ^_^

Now it's off to take a shower, then see if Jake is awake. Yes. OH, and wash those pants! Jesus.

Go back to sleep

2005-08-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

After band practice, I slept.. then woke up at 12 for some reason. I'm still really tired, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Maybe I'll try soon, though...

For the past couple days I've been sick, as we all probably know. :P I don't know. As soon as I stood in the sun I got really.. kind of light headed. THEN, when I tried to hold out notes on my clarinet, my vision started to go, so I was like "oh shit" and sat down. It doesn't help that I've had bad sleeping habits, and I haven't been eating right. :P Woot for not being healthy, I say. Plus, I need more water - my lips are going to peel off.

But before band practice, Bradley and I went to wal mart. Mwhahaha, we got like 4 plastic swords, colored sharpies, and some shirts. We gave one sword (the pirate one) to Mr. Watt because it's his birfday tomorrow, then the other three+theshirts are for Andrew, since it was his birfday today. BUT Andrew didn't show up at band practice, so Bailey's gonna come over tomorrow, and we'll do the shirts then. ^_^

Then we're going to the movies, hooray!

Guh, it just got really hot, and I feel shitty again. :(

Niiiiiiight.

He fizzled and popped

2005-08-09T03:37:00.000-07:00

This is my loverly, Mr. Raccoon. He and I have been together for.. oh say, about 8 years now. I love him. ;)

Now, only if I could get my other lover up here... Oh yes! I have another lover! My my, how horrible am I? :D

Today got incredible. <3 I love it when we talk like that. Just.. sharing things and getting to know each other better. I'm happy, he's happy. We're all happy. ^_^

Mm.. I remember awhile ago, when we were.. going through some things, I guess you could say. I was bitter and mean, and just gross to be around. Not saying that I'm not mean now, but you get what I'm saying. I can be happy, my mind's at ease, and everything just seems right. Though, we're no longer in that "flirty flirty infatuation" stage, at times I still get that feeling. I don't ever want to lose it.

Mr. Raccoon and Poohbear (who's actually a cross between a squirl and a raccoon) are going to have a play date some time. They'll have tea and cake (or maybe those cracker things people like to serve), talk, play DRESS UP (buh buh buuum), and probably end up hookin' up. Pft, you KNOW they're totally falling in love. <3

A Kiss to Build a Dream On. I have to learn to sing this song. It's beautiful, and some day I wanna be able to sing it for him. Maybe even talk to Bailey and Jetti about doing a cover. Jetti plays trumpet, I play clarinet, and Bailey can totally add some guitar in there. Pretty guitar, of course. I will not turn such an awesome song into something heavy. :P

6 in the morning, and I'm not tired. Not like I usually am. I'm that kind of tired where your head kind of feels off, but where you're not ACTUALLY tired. Know what I'm talking about? I dunno, but I love Eric. .... Yep. :P

:{D Mustache man, and ( o Y o ) boobies.

Woah

2005-08-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

Today started off really bad, but in the end came out to be good. ^_^

Pain. Just.. Jesus! What did females do to ever deserve such intense pain every month? Better yet, what the crap did I do?! No medicine unperscribed really works for me, unless it's Aleve. (Earlier today when Eric and I were talking, I think I confused Asprin with Aleve). And... we don't have any Aleve. Nor do I think mom is going to go out with 3 kids (not including myself) just to get a bottle of pain medicine, when we already have others.

I also threw up today, twice. Usually around this time, I get that feeling of needing to throw up, but I never do. This time was obviously different. After throwing up, it's like my stomach said to me "No, bitch, I am NOT finished." And commence dry heaving. Oddly enough, I felt better after that for awhile... but then pain again.

At around 8:30 in the morning, I go upstairs to get some sleep. Finally I fall asleep at who-knows-when, and wake up at 4. Still pain, though a bit less intense...until I stand up. Jesus, it's like god hates me. :P

I can see it now, some old guy in a flowy white robe, sitting on a cloud, pointing and laughing. :|

Blah, then I come back to the computer to find five million people bugging me. I was idle, could they not take a hint? Buh.

At least I got to talk to Eric, which (I'm convinced) is why I'm feeling better now. Now he's off somewhere doing something, because his parents made him. I'll talk to him later, I'm sure. I feel happy to know him, and lucky I do. <3

But something that's been bothering me for awhile, is breast cancer. I'm so fucking scared of getting breast cancer. I wish I could go see a doctor about it, if to do nothing else but ease my mind. I have nice boobies, sure, but they're big and I'm 15, and I think I felt a lump in there somwhere. O_O I'm just paranoid... :(

Shower time. :*

We are accidents waiting to happen.

2005-08-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

I got home late tonight, and dad was a bit upset. No matter, I was even more upset. I love my father, and I'm so, SO glad he is as understanding as he is. He fixed me food, talked to me to calm me down a bit, and told me goodnight. Where would I be without my dad?

So, so you think you can tell heaven from hell?

Right now, my love is off drawing a picture of me. Though it is very sweet, I'd rather have him here talking to me. Last night was a great night to get things out in the open. I think we know each other better now, and I think we'll continue to grow together. There's still a LOT we need to do to get to know each other like we should, but it's getting there.

I'd still like to know that I'm enough. But, oh well. I can assume.

Bad News Bears was a crappy movie, by the way. Just the whole composition of it made me cringe. The story line sucked, little kids going off spewing vulgar left and right, and all around nastiness. I'm sorry, but I've had more entertainment popping pimples - ON MY ASS. Yeah, thanks for the deduction on IQ points.

Wo-ah, Black Betty.

..

2005-08-05T01:53:00.000-07:00

Oh good fucking GOD.. it hurts. It hurts. Talking to him hurts. IT HURTS IT HURTS. I don't want it, I don't want to know all these reasons why he doesn't like her anymore. Just one, one reason, ONE would be enough, if he only said "because I have you". I don't care about the other stuff. I just
want
to know
that I'm enough.

I just want to know.

I cry too much over him. I have never shed so many tears for someone. FUCKING HELL it just HURTS.

I'm too immature to deal with this.

Oh boy?

2005-08-03T03:36:00.000-07:00

Very tired. I have horrible sleeping habits, and it's affecting me. Oh well, I suppose.

When I walked over to the other side of our basement, I suddenly got the notion that things were going to go bad. Like.. Silent Hill 4 bad. I know! It's extremely immature and overly retarded, I don't know what came over me. I went back to the computer to talk to someone, and they didn't answer for 5 minutes.

It's not that I don't know things CAN'T happen like that, it's just that I wish it would. Not... specificly Silent Hill 4-ish, but something out of reality's realms. It'd be wonderful if life could be like some of the circumstances we read out of books. Yes, I want Eric to come up to me on a horse and wisk me away to wonderland where we then grow old happily ever after. No problems, no bad times... Just happiness.

But no. He and I haven't talked much at all this past week, and it's gettin worse. The last time he and I talked, however, it was filled with a conversation, rather then the more often we-have-nothing-to-say-so-lets-fill-it-in-by-saying-hello-a-lot things. I don't even know what to call them. Maybe life will take a subtle passage for a little bit, and return him to me. I miss him a lot.

And as for randomness, I don't think it can truely exist. Everything follows a pattern, therefore defeating the meaning of random. Random isn't random, though it is an overused word it seems. Everything has to be random? I'm going to try to stop saying that word so much from now on. It'll do my vocabulary some good.

Now? Now... it is off to bed. 6 am is some good stuffs.

Never

2005-08-02T00:59:00.000-07:00

I found out what our problem is.

We've lost interest in each other. We no longer communicate. The last time we actually talked was after a fight. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to make something interesting. Is it my fault? I just don't know.

:(

One good turn at a time

2005-08-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

Welp, my eyes feel like they're going to explode. They keep twitching, and things like that. It scares me a bit. I think I need to get away from the monitor and get sleep. :( I don't want to, though. I'll just watch some TV... yes.... good idea... Rot my brain out.

Kay!

To be Around

2005-07-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday ended up going out with friends anyway. We sat around for awhile deciding what to do, which lasted for awhile. Finally we decided to go to the park, and I'm glad we did. I haven't been outside in a long time. It was needed, trust me.

After the park we went to blockbuster to look for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Unfortunately, they didn't have that movie. Beautiful movie in my opinion, and it'd be great if they could've seen it too. But oh well. We went back to Russell's and Lorissa's when we were done there.

Sitting around again, we finally decided to watch some Firefly commentary. I fell asleep. More firefly, and I watch. THEN, food! YAY FOOD! Went to a nice chinese place... and ended up having very, very weird conversations. Mostly about football boys raping each other, or about sex. And we were a bit loud. :D

Other then that, I'm just a bit worried about him. He gets in these moods, and it's just depressing. He really needs to get more sleep... but he doesn't. I'd tell him to take something, but I don't think he'd be up for that. I just worry about him...

Mm, but I feel refreshed. Usually I don't get a lot of sleep either, but it doesn't really affect my mood. I went to bed at 10 pm last night and woke up at 11 am. I am very... happy, actually. I mean, I'm usually happy ANYWAY, but now I just feel good. Most of the time my body's yelling at me, but not today, bitches! HA!

Ugh, need to wash my face.

I miss him

2005-07-30T02:51:00.000-07:00

Well great. I'm supposed to go hang out with friends today, but I can't get to sleep. I'll end up going anyway, and causing major downage for the group. Oh well, blame it all on that spider! That god damned spider! Oh jesus, how I hate spiders. Getting up from sleep to go to the bathroom, I saw this huge brown recluse. I went over to get a book, all the while keeping my eye on him. He didn't move until the last second - and now I'm terrified. THERE IS A HUGE, DANGEROUS SPIDER RUNNING AROUND IN MY HOUSE.

I think I might pee myself if I see it again. I ran upstairs, but only sat there rocking back and forth on my bed, so I decided to come down here. I haven't seen a spider in the basement for a long time, believe it or not. I think my room is their breeding ground... *shiver* Yes, that's a calming thought. It's so messy in there, though. :( I wish there were some magic word that told all the spiders to GO AWAY.

People say "oh they're more scared of you then you are of them" and I say... bullshit. Spiders are crafty little things, and KNOW how to scare you. They aren't scared BY you! It's like they get some sick entertainment out of watching you squirm. Damn spiders.

On the side note, yes I do miss him. He's gone away for a little while, and now I just miss him. I see pictures of a girl from one of his past relationships, and I can't help but think she's prettier then I. Of course, I know that it's history between them... but it's a girl thing. She has so much that I don't... not to sound, you know, selfish. They still talk to each other, too. Still go have alcohol together... Not.. TOGETHER, but they're at the same parties. I don't know. I love him, and I know he loves me (you have to love me to be able to put up with me for over a year). I just want to know for sure.

Buuuh. I wonder what we're gonna do tomorrow. Play some games? I hope (insert name here) isn't there, though I don't think he will be. (Insert other name here) doesn't like (insert name here) much anymore, and I'm not sure he did in the first place. Mm.. speaking of, I need to check some things...

I like Ramen noodles.

Behind the curtains

2005-07-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

Perhaps someone will stumble upon this blog, perhaps not. Either way it doesn't matter.

I'm glad we started things up again, yet at the same time I'm worried. Just one of those relationship things where you know you're going to mess up. Most of the guys I've dated don't want to work to get through problems, so it all falls to shit. This time, though, I'm glad he works with me. He's a good guy.

Got up, took a shower, got on computer. I've been meaning to run around the house naked for some time, but that just hasn't happened. I should, though. Right now I'm wearing my red shirt with my scooby doo boxors. Heh.

Well, I made this blog to rabble when I need to. That time has not yet come as of late, so I shall see whomever might be reading this... later. :)